Hmph. November 9, 2009

This semester hasn’t been a fun one. I’ve been sick on and off since the end of August, and I’ve been too busy to really rest and take care of myself. The Poe Conference is over, Rhinebeck is over, and now it’s time to start the holiday/exams panic.

Until I actually have blog content again (which should be tomorrow!), I’m going to steal this quiz from KateOhKatie’s blog.

The Only-One Game

If I could have ONLY ONE shirt, which would it be? My dark green and gold tie-dyed deep v t-shirt from American Apparel.

If I could visit ONLY ONE website, which would it be? Ravelry, obviously! I’d miss LJ and WordPress and Gmail and all the webcomics I love reading…but Ravelry is where it’s at.

If I could have ONLY ONE set of knitting needles, what would it be? I’m tempted to count my Knitpicks Options as a “set”, but I think that would be cheating. In any case, I’ll take my Size 4 29″ Addis. And I’ll probably try to sneak in a set of Size 2 DPNs as “hair accessories”.

If I could eat at ONLY ONE restaurant, which would it be? Zhang’s!! Delicious cheap Chinese. Mmmhmmm.

If I could read ONLY ONE book, which would it be? Jane Eyre. I keep going back to this book, even if I know chunks of it by heart.

If I could watch ONLY ONE DVD, what would it be? Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, extended edition.

If I could own ONLY ONE shawl, which would it be? My Oxblood Laminaria.

If I could order ONLY ONE item from Starbucks, what would it be? Caramel apple cider!

If I could have ONLY ONE piece of jewelry, which would it be? My Celtic knit necklace.

If I could visit ONLY ONE state, which would it be? Maine.

If I could wear ONLY ONE cosmetic, what would it be? Burt’s Bees Replenishing Lip Balm with Pomegranate Oil. I am happily obsessed!

If I could bake ONLY ONE item, what would it be? Chocolate chip cookies!

If I could have ONLY ONE pair of shoes, which would it be? My Lifestride Debuts in black.

That helped to pass the time at work! Now it’s back to counting down the hours — in six of them, I can go home. Sigh.

Fifteen minutes goes by fast on the Internet. May 27, 2009

I’m so used to getting no hits on my blog that it was quite a shock when I checked my stats today to see this:

Eighteen views! I spent a few minutes wondering what I had done to get so much attention, and then I remembered that I had left a rather steamed (and possibly slightly sanctimonious, I admit it) comment on Pharyngula’s blog after another one of his patented attacks on religion. Aaah, so his angry hordes of godless heathens came stomping over here to attack me (all eighteen of them)!

All kidding aside, I respect his right to be an atheist, and I agree with many of his issues with religion, especially of the organized variety. It’s too often used as a divisive tool, or a weapon, or a way of keeping people from making educated, autonomous decisions about how they want to live their lives. I take issue with his high-handed attitude toward religion in general — that it’s all bad, all lies, all smoke-and-mirrors. Intolerance isn’t just a trademark of organized religion. Hmph.

However, now I know what to do whenever I want more blog hits.

No dream deferred. May 3, 2009

I’m supposed to be writing a paper on Pope’s satirical attacks on Lord John Hervey, but as far as a procrastination tool goes, a blog is a pretty effective one — especially a somewhat-abandoned blog. As long as I’m writing — something, anything — it will all balance out.

I recently got back an essay from a professor for whom I have only the greatest respect. He’s in his seventies (eighties?) and has the most amazing mind I’ve encountered in years. He’s the ideal college professor that I dreamed up back when I was in middle school and had no idea what college really meant, or stood for. He’s stooped and walks in a slightly stiff shuffle; he always sounds like he’s about to clear his throat with an attention-getting cough. He talks about Heidegger and Kant with a tone that’s somewhere between familiarity and admiration, peppered with light amusement at their foibles. His class is easily one of the most challenging I’ve ever taken. I’m not one for critical thinking or logic or rhetoric — my talent lies in analyzation, typically of the Deconstructionist variety (drawn a long enough line, and you can connect anything to anything else), not in reason.

I dread getting back assignments from him. One of my largest flaws is a ever-reliable tendency to second-guess and doubt myself; even if I loved a paper or a poem or even an email when I finished it, within five minutes I’m cringing over the shallow triteness of a sentence or an attempt at humor. I felt the familiar swooping feeling in my lower belly when he handed back my latest essay. It hadn’t fared well in peer review the previous week and I fully expected him to savage it. He didn’t. He praised my ability to distill complicated criticism into a concise, “beautifully written” form, and later said that I had a “wonderful sense of prose rhythm”. He said that I wrote better than he did. I was stunned. I felt that swirl of anxiety melt away into something warm and golden. If that feeling had a flavor, it would be chicken soup. A warm spoonful of praise from one of the few people from whom I would believe it.

I want to write for a living. I want to write fiction, I want to write literary criticism, I want to teach literature to middle school students and end my career as a shuffling, slightly stooped college professor. That moment, holding the essay in my hands, reading my professor’s praise, I realized that I would. I’ve always known that I can, but now I know that this is my path. I will pave it with letters, fill in the gaps with imagination, sweat, and tears.

The best dreams are the ones you return to for comfort on a bad day, and then realize that they’re already coming true.

Gratitude. January 13, 2009

Thirty years ago today, my parents got married.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

Thanks for getting married so I could be born.

2009 Goals January 9, 2009

I am notoriously bad at resolutions. I am so bad that by the end of January, I have broken them all, generally in a fiery, shameful tempest of failure that leaves me guilt-stricken until May. Not this year!

For 2009, I’m just attempting goals. If I get there, great! If not — I’ll keep trying! I’ll start here with my knitting goals, as this is still ostensibly a knitting/craft blog, and because I love planning what I’m going to spend the year knitting.

1. Knit at least four adult sweaters. I have yarn in my stash for approximately ten sweaters. Ten! I haven’t knit a sweater in years. Well, to be quite honest, Pasadena is quite close to being finished, if I stick with the pattern and don’t do any of my planned mods (cabled button bands, a hood). I just need to make up my mind and finish it. In any case, I want to knit at least four adult sweaters. I have several in mind for myself, and two in mind for my boyfriend. First up:
Interweave’s Woven Bands Pullover for my boyfriend. I’m intrigued by the construction and I love Cascade Eco Wool — a perfect match!

2. Knit at least 16 pairs of socks I always have at least one pair going, so this should be easy.

3. At least 8 pairs of those socks must be for me. Yay avarice!

4. Upload progress pictures of all my projects to Ravelry .

5. Design at least one large garment (sweater, shawl, skirt).

6. Submit at least one design to online magazines. Popknits, Knotions, Twist Collection, Knitty — the choices are varied and filled with talented designers. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t try.

7. Take a spinning class at WEBS. WEBS is within walking distance of my apartment, and I want to learn how to spin. This will have to wait till the fall, after I have some money saved up after working all summer.

8. Knit from the stash as much as possible. I think I may have alarmed my boyfriend when I dumped out my entire stash on top of him. It may have been the threat of asphyxiation, but just in case, I’m going to cut down on my yarn spending.

9. Update this blog at least once a week, about anything.

They’re all good goals, and I’m looking forward to accomplishing them. I’ve been knitting for almost five years, and I feel ready to challenge myself. My design goals are the most important ones I have this year, as vague as they are. My mom, who taught me how to knit, would be so proud to see my designs out there.

So there we have it, my 2009 knitting goals. Here we go!

Next up: my first 2009 FOs!

Moving Time. January 8, 2009

I’ve spent the past few years of my blogging experience feeling guilty that I’m not using the space I pay for over at Typepad. I had big dreams of having a popular knitting/crafting/writing blog, but once I started paying for space…the allure was gone. I felt forced to write, forced to perform, and then when I didn’t have the audience I had hoped for, I lost interest in a powerful way.

In response, I’m scaling back. WordPress has gotten a lot of good press from blog friends, so I’ve decided to move my little dream over here, and to downsize accordingly. I’m just a college kid with a lot to learn, and it’s best not to push myself too hard just yet.

I want this to be a more open blog — I have a Livejournal, but that’s been friends-only for years and I don’t plan on changing that any time soon. Here, however, I can muse and ramble and not care if anyone is paying attention to my natterings.

Welcome to 2009.